Justin Washington: Why History Needs to Get Its Sexy On.

Brad Neely - George Washington (2005)

I think this video is the way Second Grade should be taught these days. How else can we get young people to understand why a stale, old white guy is important? Today our historical figures and politicians have to compete with the skillz of computer-generated Supervillians and the celebrity reach of Paris Hilton. And they pale in comparison. He kills for fun? Worked for 50 cent. Kicks the shit out of bears? Worked for the crocodile hunter. What the fuck did George Washington do? Standardized testing should be culturally-relevant for the population growing in our crazy fucked-up culture.

Q: What motherfucking president had like 30 goddam dicks and advocated a neutral American position in the French Revolution?
A: George Washington

It's also exactly why Arnold can hold office, and why no one wants to vote in elections. And it's why we really should have a presidential reality TV show where candidates eat spiders and hit on each other's wives. It will force leaders to step out of their elderly, Hamptons box and become the visionary leaders that the Laguna Beach bitches and Youtube animated celebrities have become. I suppose we would get leaders that can sing a disco version of the national anthem and can't balance a budget, but at least they'd be relevant.

Q: What frigid cunt revolutionized politics upon changing her image by slamming 6 beers in a row at a press conference, can freeze waterfalls with her stare, and was the first president to sleep with every male member of Congress?
A: Hillary Clinton

Q: Which president of the UN eradicated AIDs by rallying the youth in American sewing classes to knitting pink condoms?
A: Paris Hilton

This is a crazy fucking world. You ready? Take it to the chorus.

Electric President - Some Crap About the Future (mp3)

Whole Wheat and The Action News - The Paranoid Boy (mp3)

Gnarls Barkly - Crazy [Visson remix] (mp3)

Adem - Launch Yourself (mp3)

Justin Timberlake - Sexy Back (mp3)